dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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