I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
