i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
