And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
