i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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