I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
