What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
