We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
