Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
