At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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