You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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