I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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