I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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