Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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