im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize