My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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