My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
