I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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