Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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