as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
