I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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