Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize