Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
