My first STD was from a foam party
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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