You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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