dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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