I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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