Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
