How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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