We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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