My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
