HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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