Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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