i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
