Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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