Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
