Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
