I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
