my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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