Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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