okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
