I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
