you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
