I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
40s are totally the cure
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
