:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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