Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
