hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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