where am i from again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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