Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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