"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
