she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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