why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
