I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize