You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
