It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
