Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
