He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
