no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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